Feedback. Without it, how do we truly get anywhere in life? From a career perspective, your ability to obtain and utilize feedback can be one of your keys to success.What holds a lot of people back in utilizing feedback, whether it is solicited or unsolicited? Natural emotions. What?
Next time you ask for feedback, ask yourself first about what your expectations are going into the solicitation. If you have preconceived notions, if you have assumptions in your mind about what the feedback is going to be like, then you will be at a disadvantage. I have worked with so many people who talk like feedback is really important to them, and it probably is, but many times we'll uncover their true intention in getting feedback: AFFIRMATION. They do not want to hear anything that goes against what they want to hear. They have a preconceived emotional interest in what the other person is going to say.
How could having a neutral frame of mind (easier said the done) serve you best?
It's because, with this frame of mind, you are able to listen best to the other person, ask follow-up questions, and uncover the true meaning and intentions behind their feedback.
Oh and I am not talking solely about negative feedback here. When it is positive, try the same thing. If you just jump on it right away and feel good about yourself, you may have lost a chance. If someone is giving you positive feedback...ASK THEM MORE ABOUT IT. Why did this have a positive impact on their life? What specifically was the crucial part of your performance or the result? How can they help you to see ways you can repeat that behavior in the future? That might sound kind of easy, but it's easier if you hold your assessment until the end. Sometimes you will uncover even better feedback if you stay neutral until you have really heard them out, all the way out.
The biggest challenge in this area comes when you receive in your face, unsolicited, negative (in your mind) feedback. It is VERY difficult to keep control of your emotions. In fact the person providing it will probably expect you to fight and claw and bring out your own missile defense system.
Oh and I am not talking solely about negative feedback here. When it is positive, try the same thing. If you just jump on it right away and feel good about yourself, you may have lost a chance. If someone is giving you positive feedback...ASK THEM MORE ABOUT IT. Why did this have a positive impact on their life? What specifically was the crucial part of your performance or the result? How can they help you to see ways you can repeat that behavior in the future? That might sound kind of easy, but it's easier if you hold your assessment until the end. Sometimes you will uncover even better feedback if you stay neutral until you have really heard them out, all the way out.
The biggest challenge in this area comes when you receive in your face, unsolicited, negative (in your mind) feedback. It is VERY difficult to keep control of your emotions. In fact the person providing it will probably expect you to fight and claw and bring out your own missile defense system.
When a doctor hits your knee with a rubber hammer, your natural instincts take over and your knee jerks. When someone yells at you for not getting something done, your natural emotions tell you to immediately fight back, whether it is yelling back or emotionally withdrawing.
Try something crazy next time this happens. Take a deep breath and ask them a follow-up question or two. First off, you will probably shock them, secondly you will better unocover the real issue. THEN YOU CAN MAKE YOUR ASSESSMENT OF THEIR FEEDBACK, whether to ignore it, provide your input, or utilize it.
I know, easier said than done. You make the call on the argument for neutrality.
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