Conflict Made Easier

Some people totally avoid conflict at all costs and others seem to seek it out. Most of us fall within those two extremes somewhere.

One of the biggest opportunities I see when working with accountants on "conflict issues"? The opportunity to depersonalize it.

People take conflict personally in most cases. Most people make it "me versus you". How does that happen? They identify their position with them self. So, if we have conflict and your position = you and my position = me, then yes, it is you against me. That means my pride and my ego are at stake and I am going to dig in and fight for that. That is REAL personal.

Next time you are in a situation of competing ideas or another type of conflict, try and bring some awareness to the trap of making it personal. De-personalize the conflict. How do you do that?

Focus on facts and actions and scenarios and ideas and solutions and benefits. Do not focus on "you said" or "you wanted" or "you" at all.

Force those involved to state the goal or benefit in coming to a resolution of the conflict. Why is there conflict in the first place? What are we trying to accomplish? That will depersonalize it (and in some cases challenge the need for conflict all together.)

Where ever there is conflict there is usually a big opportunity for growth, but your chances for a strong resolution (and growth) are going to be much better if it is not "you against me".